September 25, 2005
Men of the Internet
Who said that guys who use the internet are all single geeks without any hope of ever having sex?
Not sure...lots of people including this site apparently, in the best traditions of other minger sites.
I'm suspicious that some have been photoshopped though.
July 09, 2005
Cyborg Name Generator
The Cyborg Name Generator: AJARN
Check out the cyborg name generator, which assigns any name you choose into a lethal robot-like name and even makes it into a little avatar for you.
June 18, 2005
Loony Xian Propaganda T-shirts
Habu The Polytheistic Elephant
Well, imagine you're off to heathen lands like Thailand, and you're looking to convert those heretics to the word of Jeeeeezuzzz.
Well here's just the tool to convice the savages how wrong their ancient traditions are.
Just wear this t-shirt and all the backward jungle bunnies will come flocking to Christ.
See also Mr Gruff - The Aetheist Coffee Drinking Goat, and Mad Prof. Giraffenstein, who thinks evolution is a right load of bollocks.
April 16, 2005
Ever wondered why academic papers are indeciferable?
| Prank fools US science conference
Nice story from the Beeb, about some hoaxers getting their own back on a conference organiser who spammed a lot.
They sent a fake document randomly compiled on a computer which was accepted by the conference.
The paper has the nonsense headline "Rooter: A Methodology for the Typical Unification of Access Points and Redundancy".
The full text of the paper can be downloaded here.
March 20, 2005
Can Head
Canhead - Jay's stupid human trick.
Filed under utter idiocy, this mans unique and special talent is to stick tin cans to his baldy bonce with nothing but pure vacuum suction. What a hero!
February 23, 2005
Something for you would be megalomaniacs
How to Destroy the Earth - A Practical Guide
The Earth was built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.
January 19, 2005
Santa Claws
I realise that this is a month too late but it's waay too funny not to blog.
A brilliant series of 42 photos of kids looking scared shitless at a variety of sinister (and the odd-not-so sinister looking) looking Santas
January 09, 2005
Silly Name
..and no this is not being posted for it's educational content it's simply to laugh about some bloke listed as....
Ural, Gaye
December 26, 2004
RoboDump
RoboDump 1.0 is a very silly "robot" designed to sit down and perpetually appear to drop it's guts. It seems to have been designed to confuse and cause consternation in the inventor's office.
Marvelous what they can do nowadays.
December 15, 2004
Drunken Doodling
This unfortunate gentleman is just one of hundreds of similar poor drunken souls who's friends have defaced them whilst drunk, for the world's entertainment.
Another warm slice of humanity at its most photogenically mutant.
November 12, 2004
Sweary 8-Bit Text Adventures
Hurrah! Some geeks have gone through all of those frustrating 8-bit text adventure games and done screen grabs of what happens when you swear in them. It ranges from a witty retort, to a sound telling off. Sometimes the game will end if you say f#$k, sometimes it will send you to a special room, or deduct points or items. In one extreme case swearing will rest your computer.
Check them out.
via the wonderful b3ta newsletter.
October 24, 2004
Krankies Sing Bowie
Rob Manuel: Krankies sing Bowie
This is frighteningly funny...for why I don't know...it just is.
Baath Vader
There's one website and one website only that has me reaching for th blog this button these days....B3ta
Bless 'em.
October 09, 2004
Big Twangers
Of course I've seen part of this infamous Rainbow sketch before, where the entire episod appears to be one big sexual innuendo, but I've never managed to catch the whole episode which this page contains. Contrary to the sites assertion that it was actually broadcast it was only created as a staff Christmas party joke episode as is tradition in the British TV industry and never broadcast...until the internet came along.
Absolutely priceless stuff!
Geoffrey (to viewers): "Well, have you got your twangers out? And remember, you can bounce your balls at the same time.If you haven't got any balls, ask a friend if you can play with his. Now, let's all sing the plucking song."
August 28, 2004
Experiments in an 8 yearold stylee
A series of very silly experiments with little scientific value but amusing nonetheless. We're talking, blowtorching eggs, toilet rolls through shredders, and whole cucumbers down the waste disposal.
At home with the Ritchies
At home with Madonna and Guy Ritchie
Silly sweary nonsense. Funny though.
August 20, 2004
Greenlandic Empire
Watch out, the Greenlanders are coming.
Read all about their World Domination Plans
August 15, 2004
A Real Meatshake
Two British guys are inspired enough by the Meatshake website (which I believe they were aware is a parody/promo for one of Ugly Ducking's albums), to attempt to taste the secret for themselves.
For uncultured types a Meatshake is a fictional concoction which blends meat into a milkshake....yum!
August 02, 2004
W*nkers!
The Fatal Consequences of Masterbation
Scarey but funny in a 'look at what people used to think' kind of way.
See also a 1970's Mormon Guide on how to avoid similar self-abuse.
July 30, 2004
Bleeeeerrrrrrrrrggggghhh!!!!
I am mong and this is my song by Rob Manuel & Jonti 'Weebl' Picking
The faces behind the Flash in Flash format. These two people are Rob Manuel, mastermind behind B3ta all round bestest Interweb site ever ever ever, and Jonti Picking the man behind Magical Trevor, Weebl and Bob, and various other silly things.
Sadly they are as silly in real life as their cartoons.
Whilst we're there also check out the Crack My Knuckles..errm...interactive animation. Wince!
July 29, 2004
July 16, 2004
Bacon Soap
FROM BACON TO SOAP: THE IMPOSSIBLE JOURNEY
Yes, you are reading this correctly, two kids made soap from bacon fat and caustic soda! Contains swearing but is very funny.
Fruity hand soaps, moisturizers, emulsifying lotions, pumice stones, and Loofahs don't f**king cut it. We want to cleanse ourselves with the fat of the sweet, dead pig.
July 12, 2004
Redneck Digs Big Hole In Back Yard
Here is the story of the hole I dug in my back yard.
No, this is truly fascinating really....
There's something about this that drew me to blog it. Is it the manic look on the digger's face? Is it his obsession with digging a hole for no apparent reason? Is it his chirpy commentry? Is this just a random meme that sucked me in? These questions and more will not be answered by checking this link.
July 11, 2004
The greatest 10 minutes of your life..no really!
Pointless but addictive game where you seek to keep your mouse over a mysterious blue blob which moves like a posessed Etch-a-sketch. Just make sure it doesn't slip off otherwise it's game over.
How long can you concentrate on this for? Honestly one glance atthe clock and you're finished.
July 01, 2004
Ugly Cat
I'm sorry, but when something makes me laugh solidly for a good 5 minutes, then it has to be blogged.
Via B3ta....sodding again!
Webshite
The Webshite is a vaguely amusing site in the mould of the mighty B3ta. Whilst it's own content is not quite as good theres a great daily blog of thoroughly stupid things, which of course I thoroughly approve of.
Just as an example heres something I found on there; a blog by the name of 365 Dumps. Thank goodness the author just sticks to text, but it's a rivetting day by day account of the authors bowel movements, with laments on having to go twice a day making twice as much work for him re the blog, through to second by second accounts of more difficult passages. No really, it's great!
I should probably mention that webshite also has not fecal matter related links....
June 30, 2004
Pink Dinosaur Spotted on Volcano
Volcanologists spy pink 'dinosaur' on remote webcam.
"Some wag has glued a pink dinosaur in front of our digital camera," GNS's John Callan said."A number of people have been emailing us asking what the dinosaur is all about."
They are not planning to remove it, counting on the sulphur and high acid environment to deal with the creature.
Another Insult Generator
Click the 4 boxes to find out.
Me? I'm a sexy stompslut that likes to pull scarecrows.
Mr Miagi say...
Because man who can catch fly in chopsticks can do anything.
Very difficult Flash game found via Stumble.
June 26, 2004
1000 character drawings in 1 week.
Population 1000 Another extreme oddity from B3ta. I am often accused of having waaay too much time on my hands. This page would suggest that others have more than me. 1000 named characters handdrawn in one week, (and scanned very badly, but you really get the idea that this guy has been abusing a notebook at least.)
B3ta pointed out
Most of it suggesting that the artist is having a breakdown.
June 17, 2004
Kemikal Kan
The Thaksin Tigers are getting serious. Here is the terrorist Mullah 'Kemikal' Kan, getting ready to to spread chemical mayhem all over...erm the bathroom.
Has she gone TOO far this time? Local Songkhla resident LDMA fears the worst.
June 06, 2004
The End of The Internet
Click here .....no really!
It IS the end....and this is beyond the end.
June 05, 2004
Celeb-a-like.
Star Estimator claims to be able to match your face to those of celebritites. Simply upload a full faced picture of yourself, identify the centre of the eyes, and the site will give you three approximations of who you look like.
Apparently, I'm somewhere between Hugh Grant, Steve Martin, and Christopher Reeves (before the accident!). My wife Kan, apparently looks like a cross between Debra Messy, Vanessa Mae, and Cher. Lucky me eh?
May 29, 2004
Swirly Whirly Pic
Try and look at this picture without feeling dizzy.
Man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture of man holding picture.
ad infinitum
May 18, 2004
Nice Cup Of Tea And A Sit Down Dot Com
Britains award-winning biscuit review site, which celebrates all things biscuity and nice, whilst warning of the dangers of wagon wheels, and other cake charlatans, and mildly disapproving of wafers, which veer dangerously between chocolatey-style KitKats and the controversial pink wafers. Mildly related to B3ta, with plenty of straightforwardthinking Brit humour, and a fetish for Rich Tea Biccies (can't stand 'em myself).
For those confused Americans that don't know their cakes from their biscuits from their crackers, there is a great explanations page
Oh and a FAQ which clears up a few very pertinant questions.
FAQQ. Are Jaffa cakes biscuits.
A. No, no the're not. Apart from being called cakes they obviously have a sponge base. Granted they appear to be some kind of luxury biscuit being chocolate covered and shipping in a box.
Q. Why are 'Nice' biscuits called that?
A. I don't know because they are possibly one of the nastiest biscuits ever, perhaps its sarcasm.
Q. Whats the best biscuit ever?
A. Well I would have to say the Abbey Crunch, see my page on this ground breaking oat based biscuit.
Q. Can something that is individually wrapped be biscuit.
A. Its pushing it isn't it.
Q. Whats the story with pink wafers?
A. Well they have dropped out of fashion, and rightly so as they are unpleasant at best. Wafers in general have had to move up into chocolate covered jobs like the Tunnocks wafer, or chocolate bars like the Kit Kat
Nooo, nooo! You strange disturbed people!
KLI members featured in the film include Dr d'Armond Speers, a linguist who spoke only in Klingon to his son until age three and a half, and Rich Yampbell, composer of Klingon national anthem taHaj wo.
Talking Klingon is what we around here at the Wor Zone, refer to ANY strange and alien language as.
C++ for example, or Hax0r, possibly Thai (joking about that last one!!).
I find it extraordinarily disturbing that an individual would speak ONLY Klingon to his son for the first 3.5 years of his life.
Can you imagine what it must be like to be surrounded by people who speak a different language to you, and look at you like you're some kind of Alien when you speak yours? Um...yes I can actually....ahem...moving on...
May 17, 2004
Official Denial
This is Mullah Kan spokesman of the notorious Thaksin Tigers rebel group, who today issued a statement on behalf of her leader Ali Al-Aksorn-Brassur in response to accusations of over-acheiving, having too many good ideas and the bombings in Naratiwat yesterday.
The statement read as follows:
It wasn't me!
May 14, 2004
IT'S THE END
The Jehovah Witnesses are right:
...they were wrong in '75, wrong again in the 80's, but I'm damn sure they're getting close.
May 12, 2004
Japanese Fashion Strangeness
Man In Japan, Tim can always be relied on to post the um...cutting edge of Japanese fashion trends of his often surreal weblog.
Today's offering is the really disturbing trend for girls to plaster themselves in OTT fake tan, wear thick white eye makeup, and add lots of stickers over the top, ridiculous clothing and hang out in malls. Called SHIBUYA GIRLS they are the perfect match to their counterparts the CENTER BOYS.
One boy claims that thanks to his look he has 'done over 20 girls this year.'
Am I the only one who sees Stephen King's IT! in these pictures?
May 09, 2004
Hey, Hey, 16k!
Hey Hey 16k - Anim by Rob Manuel - Song by MJ Hibbett
B3ta.com gets a lot of coverage on my blog, but then again it makes me smile out loud a million times more than any other site on the entire world wide web.
Today's is a wonderful tribute to the ZX Spectrum in all it's 8-bit glory.
"We bought it to help out with your homework"
LOL!!! Too true, and the reality was sooo different.
Just listen and enjoy.....unless you're an American who won't have a clue what this song is going on about.
May 06, 2004
Blue Moon Nymphs of Pure Sex
Click here for brain melting silliness
Isaac Newton and Samuel Pepys (who are confirmed gay lovers) take a trip to the moon to eat its indigenous chocolate only to discover theres nothing there but naked blue moon nymphs who force the chums to ask themselves some fundamental questions about their sexuality.
I have a horrible feeling that the unintelligable Euro-pop soundtrack was specially composed for this.
I feel the last two days blogging have verged on the self-absorbed, localised diary crap that I myself shy away from. How to know what people want from a blog? Do let me know.
Via B3ta's newsletter.
UPDATE 4pm: Whilst I was perusing the aforementioned B3ta, I stumbled across one of those pics that screams "BLOG ME!"
So here he is.... BoboCop
May 05, 2004
What does LDMA stand for?
There has been some speculation as to the origins of my name.
Some assume that they are my initials. Sorry guys I only have 2 names and a surname, Louis Ashley Minson. Though LAM are all in my nom de plume (if you can call it that), that is not the true origin of LDMA. Nor does my name have anything to do with the drug MDMA (or ecstacy), as others have speculated.
To be honest, I'm so embarrassed at the real meaning of my name, and anyone who knew me in Nottingham will know anyway, that I'm going to keep you all guessing.
I have, however, been on Google and here are some more possibilities.
Louisville Direct Marketing Association
Lost Dutchman's Mining Association
Laboratoire de Mécaniques Appliquées
London Discount Market Association
Literary, Dramatic, Musical or Artistic (LDMA) works
Long Differential Mobility Analyzer
Lowell Downtown Merchants Association
Limiting-Dilution Microculture Assay
Laser Doppler Microscope Anemometer
Oh yes, and it's also the name of this Japanese machine....whatever it does.
Do I have anything better to do than this you might ask....
I hearby solicit further suggestions as to the possible meaning of LDMA
April 29, 2004
A Fly on The Wall..
JEFF GOLDBLUM IS WATCHING YOU POOP!
This is one of those occaisional sites what makes you go "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?????"
Please don't expect to understand it.
April 24, 2004
B3ta Newsletter Recommendation
Weebl and Bob - Team Laser Explosion
Yes this is very silly indeed, drawiing on Southpark's Cartman type incomprehensible ranting coupled with ancient Weebles toys, and features the Mayor from Capcom's Final Fight game as the damsel in distress. You may find it slightly irritating after the first 3 plays but the Flash animation is top notch, and clearly lots of effort went into it.
April 16, 2004
Real Ultimate Power
The Official Ninja Webpage: REAL Ultimate Power!!!!
This is absolutely awesome. Incredibly funny and extremely hyperactive 10 year old with a fetish for ninjas.
Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.
April 08, 2004
'My dad has Einstein's Brain
This rather gruesome story from the Guadian. On leaving hospital after hearing about his impending death he is famously pictured below.
He left the hospital by the back entrance, poking out his tongue at the gauntlet of savvy pressmen who waited there. When the famous cheeky pose appeared in the newspapers, Einstein clipped it, penned a farewell caption and sent it to the surgeon:
"To Nissen my tummy / The world my tongue."
April 02, 2004
The Original Chorlton and the Wheelies Shrine
The Original Chorlton and the Wheelies Shrine
I used to love this show, so plastic, strange, but compelling. This is a nice, cleanly done site though it doesn't have much in the way of media content.
tibet by the short hairs
Well here's an old perennial that just popped up in my recruiters inbox, which is exactly the same as my personal inbox, but anyway....
Meet Mr David Antonuik, who's fairly flowery page in terms of content as well as in dubious choice for background wallpaper came across as slightly different to the usual ajarn.com resume crowd.
The crux of the site is that he cycled across Tibet and theres a whole bunch of fractured experiences that sound quite good when you dip into them here and there. (I did then realise that this is supposed to get you to buy the full chapters, but to be honest I liked the snippets better as a quick read!)
...the Jokhang temple ...the king marries Buddhism ...Lhasa was Rasa ...lamps that watch ...sneak on in ...flagstones ...a statuary who's who of Tibetan history and religion ...emblems of faith ...like Padmasambhava's skull ...a crowded place ...old butter ...a busy scribbler ...a boy Buddha ...history is longer than imagination ...serious prayer ...heroic singers ...abiding with injustice ...the displaced soul of ultramodern humanity ...become more like me? ...Nah, there's too many of us already ...skip to XLV if you already know art is either good or bad
Indeed!
Well, David are you ever going to make it down here?
March 29, 2004
Ann Widdecombe - Agony Aunt
Oh lordy! Doris Karloff is hardly the most sensitive soul in the world, which is why I believe the Guardian has given her own agony column, not for any kind of seriousness, but as a parody of the agony aunt in it's antithesis.
My husband left his wife and child for me eight months ago. I have two children, younger than his, from a previous relationship. Despite what I feel was a very reasonable divorce settlement, my husband still spends as much on his first child as he did before, and still gives his ex-wife additional money whenever she asks for it. It all amounts to easily as much as he spends on us, his new family. I think we should be his first priority now, especially as his ex-wife is a professional woman and has ample funds for everything she and her child might need. He wouldn't be depriving them of anything. Am I right?
Name and address withheldHe should have stayed with his wife as he vowed to do when he married her. You should have married and stayed with the father of your kids. Then you wouldn't be in this silly mess, where the only victims are the children. Goodnight.
Absolutely hilarious stuff! DO-RIS! DO-RIS!
March 25, 2004
I turned my piss pink
"I managed to change the colour of my wee"
writes Lurking Bon, "by eating a large jar of
pickled beetroot. Just thought I'd share the
joy. You should try it - the pink wee lasts
all day."
Oh yes, just because LDMA, is sitting on one of the most beautiful islands on Earth, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have time to blog dumb shit.
A Rant on Service in Songkhla Restaurants
I have noticed that waiters here on Samui are far more intelligent and in tune with Western standards of service than in Songkhla, obviously because of the greater amounts of tourism, management training and competition for jobs. In Songkhla the list of restaurant faux pas are endless, but include:
- Giving a couple only one menu
- Ignoring customers on entry for 5 minutes or more
- Having seven waitresses crowding round your table to the extent that no single one can remember your entire order
- Not informing you until the end of your meal that a dish you ordered is not available
- Waitresses standing over your shoulder during periods when you need some thinking time eg considering orders and checking the bill
- Rice being considered a something separate to those incendiary Laab dishes and not being served until near the end of the meal. Generally considered a ploy to make you buy more expensive dishes
- Gaps between dishes arriving in excess of 15 minutes
Now, many might think I am unduly whining on some of these issues.
"Why don't you just chill out? There's nothing worse than a sour-faced customer."
Well look, I'm the customer and if I am getting pissed off with somewhere it means there is something wrong with the place not with me. The solution you might say is simple, just don't go. That might work were it not for the fact that most restaurants in Songhkhla break these rules. If we were to boycott every restaurant for these reasons, then we'd go hungry (or Kan would have to cook everyday which she doesn't have time to do), so I am comforted by the standard of food which is generally good, and suffer the ignorance of the service.
Kan is currently considering an education project for restaurant management, so maybe, just maybe we can bring our local restaurants upto speed on what is considered good and bad service internationally.
March 17, 2004
Bizzare Records 2
At the risk of repeating myself, I have just found another site which documents an era where you didn't have to be a manufactured pop act to sell records. You may remember Joyce from last week on the 10 worst album covers (which I can't be arsed to relink...scroll down godammit)
BizarreRecords.com is an archive far richer, and features links to mp3 samples of these lost geniuses' work, as well as where are they now features and biographys. It's a little clunky, framey and slow loading but very rewarding to explore and has given me a good couple of wasted hours this evening.
Ok,ok, I admit it, I love seeing this crap on my Blog and who can blame me, it certainly cheers the place up more than last nights dinner and Aaron behaving like an animal at my last party.
March 09, 2004
God Hates Shrimp
It was the Jews that first espoused this most ancient of truths that the prawn is an abomination unto God, so therefore should not be consumed. Now it seems that the fundaMentalist Yank Xians are getting in on the act.
God Hates Shrimp
Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.
Damn I sinned last night at that seafood restaurant!
Yes I know it's a parody.
March 07, 2004
The GRY Riddle
This riddle puzzled me when I heard it a few years a go when i heard it and NO-ONE seemed to know the answer to it. Well here it is thanks to the very interesting Riddlenut site
"Think of words ending in -GRY. Angry and hungry are two of them. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is."
The GRY Riddle Solved!